Life Goals Are Challenged By Aging

Probably you think of yourself as wiser and more intelligent today, since a certain amount of time separates you from the child you once were. For me, it seems like centuries ago that my worries were limited to the method I should use to break the news to my parents that I have decided to spend my summer vacations with my friends instead of them. But, although those awkward instances belong to the past, there are times that I miss the feeling of someone else having the willingness to decide; practically on anything, from where to eat to what to do next in my life. Being a control-junkie over my life's choices I recently realized that I am more or less stuck with this unfamiliar feeling that life keeps passing by and I have not yet realized my potential; whatever that may be. This dreadful moment, the exact point in time that I had to tell myself the truth and nothing less than the truth or help me God, came a Wednesday evening that I was supposed to be out celebrating my 30th birthday. I have never considered myself to be that kind of person who is afraid of getting older and wants to avoid being reminded of such a joyful day. But that particular evening, as I returned home from a day's hard work, I felt the urge of keeping my body and mind confined instead of getting out and "having some fun." Although I selected a peculiar time for introspection, a voice inside my head kept yelling that my present choices affect the things I am about to experience and age does in fact interfere with my dreams. Living in a fast-paced mode for more than a decade, friends recently reminded me that our frightening thoughts are actually well-justified and it is not just our imagination that those wrinkles, which keep coming without an invitation, do not represent any kind of wisdom or "added-value" since we spend time thinking things over instead of acting. Seeking the true purpose of my life was my goal that night. The alarming realization that I was not content with my present state and did not know what exactly I wanted to do with my life, except move forward, just like the kid that was trapped in an adult's body in the movie "Big" with Tom Hanks, at first made me smile and later gave me the chills which probably ruined the carefree spirit of my birthday celebration. Does aging result in finding a purpose in life? I certainly doubt it. Today, I smile when I hear kids answering the question "What would you like to be when you grow up?" Based on my own experience, my dream of becoming a "gift wrapper" has long been forgotten and today I seem to concentrate all my efforts not on actually enjoying the fact that I am able to realize my dream any time I want, but rather on searching for the method that will allow me to continue pursuing it. In my opinion, the biggest challenge appears when one realizes that during the time it takes to acquire the means towards attaining a goal, the original goal has "magically" been displaced. Using my personal dream as an example, I now spend most of my time trying to find the best method to earn the money that will allow me to buy a present, regardless if I am the one who wraps it or not. Although I still enjoy the process, wrapping a gift is no longer the ultimate goal. How come and I have missed my goal? Although I am still searching for the right answer, that night's sole-searching concluded with the realization that since life is full of surprises, by definition we experience it unprepared. Exactly like a kid. But yet again being an adult means we are able to control our life's choices. Are you now able to see the "goal-aging" gap?